The Beauty of Bursting into Tears

Throughout the years, the example of how to deal with hurt was to just suck it up and move forward. Almost even ignoring the hard thing. Ignoring the hurt. “Fake it ‘till you make it.”

We are losing our beloved Estes today. She has had a neurological disorder her whole life. She’s progressively lost mobility, balance, depth perception, and coordination for 4 and a half years. Lately, she’s starting to be very disoriented and not acting like herself when the sun goes down. It is never time to lose your dog. But today, we will lose her.

I have been so incredibly sad. I’m a crier. I do call myself a high functioning crier, nonetheless. I can do just about anything and cry while I’m doing it. Even laugh. Strange mix.

I have found it quite liberating to burst into tears and exclaim, “I’m so sad!” Why can’t we? Why can’t we cry when our heart hurts? Why can’t we say, “I’m so sad. This is so hard. This isn’t fair.” And then why can’t we sit with each other and just be sad together?

We got Essie just a couple of weeks before I was diagnosed with cancer. She’s been with us through two rounds of cancer. Bankruptcy. Moving. And losing my dad. Plus way more.

She was born special. I knew it the moment I met her. I’ve only had love at first sight with dogs. And I knew, I loved her too much from the beginning.

She has been our light and joy for five years. I’m so grateful for the time we have spent with her. Every moment. So many people would have gotten rid of her or not treated her so well. We have given her the very best life we could have. I have no regrets in how we treated her. She will always be our baby girl.

Estes, we will always love you. I want desperately to believe you’ll be in heaven when I get there. You’ll be the fastest dog in heaven. It’s time for you to go be with Pop. Run. Jump. Play hard, Essie girl. You are the very best girl in the whole world. And we love you so so much.

We are right behind you.