Is Curiosity the Antidote for Hatred?

I teach United States history. I’ve taught this subject for a number of years. I’ve done every era from exploration and colonization to modern times. My skeptic mind sometimes asks how much I’m supposed to believe. After all, isn’t the phrase, “history is written by the victors” correct?

I remember the moment I became a skeptic. It was the moment I started researching Christopher Columbus. One of my first lessons for my students. I started teaching history that year but didn’t want to teach it like a coach. No offense, coaches – I was one at the time. But textbook history is SO hard to learn. I would know. I hated it in high school. It was so boring. I only remember a couple of random moments, one of which was very inappropriate. I wanted to do it differently. In college, I had professors who had the entirety of it in their minds, and they told it like a story. I was immediately hooked. That’s how I wanted to do it. So, I got to work, reading as much as I possibly could. I wanted to make it make sense so I could tell it like a story. And, for the most part, I think I accomplished it.

Lately, I’ve been doing the last part of US history. This is the era from Reconstruction (the period of time immediately following the Civil War) to the modern times.

There aren’t many periods of our history that don’t have some type of hate. Hate for subgroups. Hate for immigrants. Hate for women. Hate for fashions. Hate for skin color. Hate for sexual orientation. Hate for change. History is chalked full of hate.

I wonder why hate is rampant. Why is it such a common human experience? It’s played out on a major scale throughout time and still does. It also plays out in our daily lives. Why is it such a quick reaction? Why is hate contagious? Why is it tolerated? What’s the antidote to this?

I’ve not really been prone to hate in my life. I’m so fortunate. Now, granted, I am not perfect. I’ve hated and been hated. But I don’t steep inside of hate, or at least I try really hard not to. When I have hated, I’ve lost my curiosity. I’ve grouped. I’ve not looked and listen for understanding.

I think, maybe, curiosity is the antidote for hatred. I was watching a video of Esther Perel talking about relationships the other day. She talked about how curiosity is so essential to a healthy relationship. Turning to look at your parter and truly being curious about who they are, what they think, what their day has been like, etc.

I started thinking about how essential curiosity is in our lives. Wonder. Asking. Finding out. Not in the unhealthy sense, but in a genuine, kind, I want to know better type way.

I got a job in 2019 at a school in Fort Worth. Here’s this little white girl from small-town Texas showing up in this big city school where there was only one white kid in all my classes. That didn’t bother me one bit. I wasn’t raised with racism. I was very discriminated against at that school. And honestly, I didn’t blame anyone. I loved my time there in many ways. I got to know my kids and loved them. I didn’t get to stay long, but I could see the value in being in a place you’re not necessarily comfortable with as a mere human. We all, the kids and I, pulled back the vail and became curious about one another. Respect paved the way for that. General politeness and respect. It disarmed and created an avenue for curiosity, and eventually, understanding. So beautiful.

Maybe we could all use a lesson like this. Respect and general politeness paving the way to curiosity and ultimately understanding. Is curiosity the antidote for hate?

What would that look like? A basic openness? Not black and white thinking? In order to be curious, you have to be willing to be challenged, right?

The feedback loop we are a part of is harmful. We are conditioned for confirmation bias. We want to sit in our rightness. To be challenged is difficult.

Hate is based in fear. Fear of unknown. Fear of being incorrect. Fear of being challenged. To come out of hate and be curious takes an openness our society doesn’t necessarily promote. It takes a shift inside us. And that can be scary.

Hate isn’t just an issue with our country. History is filled with instances where groups were murdered, hated, ostracized, and looked down upon. It’s happened all over the world. Hate is a human condition we must fight against.

I encourage you to be curious. Being challenged is so good for us all. Curiosity is the antidote for hatred. Everyone has a story. Every situation is much more complicated than we can see on the outside.

Nothing is black and white. It would be much easier if it were.

But alas.